Work. Play. Work. Education. Personal upheaval, and the positive but painful progress made by changing the status quo. Family. Love, marriage, children.
These are the things much on my mind this past week, as well as weight loss. Out of a depressed period, I start to think and try to make good decisions about larger issues, life directions, etc... and not to leap headlong in a different direction simply because I get squirrelly in the current one.
A good friend calls it "holding the tension." To sit in that place of tension, when opposite forces are pulling at each end, is uncomfortable... but it's where amazing things are revealed. I believe, and must remind myself, that the very best things come with effort; and no great reward comes without great risk. That doesn't mean that because I am uncomfortable I will recklessly abandon my job or life here in Livingston (as I might have once done) but that I need to be willing to do things that require effort and discomfort when the need to do so is revealed.
So I'm holding fast on my sandbar lately, and I've had a lot of good friends and loved ones of all sorts pull their boats up for a visit recently. I have excellent support and advice from trusted people... so when the mad currents clarify a bit and show me which direction to swim, I know I won't be dragged under.
Also, as is common when I come out of a poor eating/weight plateau and begin eating mindfully and well again, I have dropped weight again recently. The suit that the theater bought me for the Christmas Vaudeville is big on me. All of my clothes are big on me. When I walk, I feel tall again, not just wide. I'm nearer than seems possible to my next goal. For now, holding the tension seems to be working. Hopefully I'll be able to stand in the middle of the current battle of life forces (without food-medicating myself) long enough for the right path to appear.
Stop by for a chat if you like.
Steve "Big Daddy" Hodgson
March the thirteenth, 2010
281 pounds
You keep inspiring me...yesterday was a full "doing chores, going to Missoula shopping," and the grocery stores and those bins at the check out in Wal-Mart are always my temptation - after all what's one candy bar, one doughnut, one "small" Dairy Queen - well, truth be told, they are the pounds I see on my hips when I step out of the shower - the ones I try to hide with long blouses and sweaters three sizes to big! So...I can proudly say that I have resisted this temptation for four weeks...! yea me! Don't stop moving forward, Steve...for your health and mine! Love you much.
ReplyDeleteI like that idea of 'holding the tension,' and I was really struck by the way you described feeling 'squirrely' where you are. I get that way a lot, so I can identify (I never had a way to describe until now). Maybe it comes from being in theatre..hopping around so much :D
ReplyDeleteFor some reason it occurs to me to share this quote/idea. From Richard Bach's "Illusions," in a scene in which he and his mentor discuss the idea of perfection. He indicates the sky and asks if it's a perfect sky. Richard replies that it's always a perfect sky. How can it not be? It's the sky, whether it's blue, cloudy, raining. It's always changing. And it's always perfect. We strive to be Better (to be perfect!?) yet..
The mentor puts forth the an idea that has stuck with me...
"Nothing perfect is unchanging."
We were just looking at the show photos, and Judy remarked that your suit looked big on you -- once we figured out that it was really you! What you have done -- and are doing -- is truly extraordinary. You inspire me every day. I no longer harbor any doubt that you will surmount whatever challenges may come your way.
ReplyDeleteNow go out there and break a few more legs!
Love, Dad
hot damn. so very very very proud of you.
ReplyDeleteHey Big Daddy,
ReplyDeleteI love your writing. It's so much more than about weight loss, so much more. (Not that I am trying to diminish your efforts in any way --'cause I think it's wonderful, truly). But as i read what you write, your candor, all I want to do is hug you. You are awesome.
Yours,
P